Rish Outcast 35: Schlontz . . . And Other Unforgivable Sins

Rish gets a bee in his bonnet about pseudoprofanity in a book he read, and speculates about deal-breakers in audio work and writing.

Warning: there's gonna be some real cursing in this episode.  It would be f**king shameful if there wasn't.  Oh, and Fake Sean Connery presents the only song he's ever given up halfway through.



Calamity, just download the episode by Right-Clicking HERE.  Sparks!


By the way, the actual word in the book was "slontz."  And that's SO very different.

This blog isn't really a blog

This was created just to house the various episodes of the Rish Outcast.

But I wonder what would happen if I actually treated it like a blog.  Would anyone notice?  Has anyone ever actually gone to this blog, and read the posts?

The other day, my buddy Merrill was talking about how his kid, who was potty-trained long ago (in just about the most horrible way imaginable, according to me), has started to defecate in his pants.  Not just once or twice, but every single time he takes a dump, he goes in his pants.  And the way he described it, it was every single day.  Merrill would be sitting on the couch, watching Blue Is the Warmest Colour with his kid, and suddenly, he'd smell something unbearably foul.  The child had decided he would rather brown his underwear than walk the fifteen feet to the bathroom.

He also told me they were going on a roadtrip, and the child, rather than saying something, simply soiled himself in the car, leaving his parents without a clean change of clothes and filling the vehicle with a noxious stench.  Merrill ranted and raved about it in a way that you would probably find unattractive, but that I found refreshingly candid.

So the next time I saw the child, I took him aside and said, "Hey kiddo, don't feel so bad.  I'm a middle-aged man, and I shit my pants all the time."

Apparently, Merrill did not find this helpful.

Thanks for your time.

Rish Outcast 34: The Terran Chronicles

A few months back, Rish went to see THE MARTIAN, then spent a while talking about it (and writing) with Big Anklevich.  Then he told you about it.  And about his first new project of 2016.  And a song?

Or download the mutha.

Rish Outcast 33: Beggar's Canyon Part 2

So, The Force Awakens came out,* and I managed to see it on opening day, even though I was pretty tired (my boss saw it the same night, but slept through parts of it). And while I quite enjoyed it, it made me realize that I'm getting old, and that I really ought to be writing more, seeing if I can't get better before the end, maybe say something that inspires or scares or moves somebody. It's not too late.

Which brings us to the matter at hand. The second half of "Beggar's Canyon" in this episode of The Rish Outcast. Like I said last time, it's easy to relate to young Luke Skywalker, who is stuck somewhere, feeling he should be somewhere, doing something, being important, but he isn't.  I can relate, and unless you're the Alpha of your particular pack (in which case, you wouldn't waste time reading this, I'm sure), you can too.

Who accomplishes everything they seek out to do? Who gets all their bucket list checked before the end? Who leaves something that will be remembered when they're gone?
Not me.


Luke Skywalker did, though. Just not at the time this story takes place.



So, feel free to Right-Click the link here to download the story . . .

. . . or you can hear Marshal Latham's edit of it (with Big, Bria Burton, Julie Hoverson, Marshal, Johnny Feisty, Mrs. Marshal, and your mama doing voices) right HERE.

In fact, look at his kick-arse episode art for the show:

Better than mine, sadly.

Rish

*And you know, I don't remember that line "Who are you?" "I'm no one," even being in the movie.  Guess I oughtta see it again.

Rish Outcast 32: Beggar's Canyon

(written before seeing The Force Awakens)

Today, the new STAR WARS movie comes out. Exciting, yes, but also daunting, a little scary, and potentially sad if I don't enjoy it.  J.J. Abrams did a fantastic job, though, in keeping most of the plot, action, and surprises a secret from us, and I really appreciate that.  The final trailer­­ which was the last thing I saw about the movie, purposely trying to keep myself from spoilers, ­­introduced three characters, and in the segment dedicated to Rey, a voice (Leia?) asks, "Who are you?" and our heroine's response is, "I'm no one."

For some reason, this is the thing that grabbed me hardest in the trailer (though Kylo Ren's devotion to the long-dead Darth Vader, and Han acting as some kind of Obi-Wan Kenobi really struck me as well).  That spoke to me, even though it's out of context and probably not even close to what I'm interpreting it as.

The idea of being a nobody, of not mattering, is something that is always with me. As I've gotten older and seen people around me achieve their dreams, or barring that, putting away their dreams and settling for more ­reachable goals and pursuits, it's become clearer and clearer that I've not made much of my life. That I'm not special or unique or great. That I'm no one.

Sad, sure, but what can you do?

Not long ago, I was in a conversation where I wondered what happened to Luke Skywalker's T­-16 (the flying vehicle he mentions and you see briefly in one scene), and ultimately decided it was probably destroyed by Stormtroopers. But pondering about Luke's life on Tatooine, and what his childhood might have been like got me thinking.

"Beggar's Canyon" was the result. It's a story (probably too long) that takes place on Luke's homeworld, set before we meet him in STAR WARS.  I'm presenting it here on the Rish Outcast (in two parts), and Marshal Latham will be presenting it over on the Delusions of Grandeur podcast (in one part right here). As I say here or next time, this was probably the most pleasurable thing I've written in my adult life (a pleasure to write, not sure about listening to it), and even if it's not a particularly good story, it gave me the opportunity to write in that universe I so love: the Star Wars franchise as it existed in 1995.



I'll be back soon to present the second half of the tale. So if it's at all possible, enjoy.

Here's the link if you'd like to download the file (just Right-Click on it).

Rish Outcast 31: Unconventional Part 2

So, here is the second half of "Unconventional."

I did jot down some plans for a sequel to this tale, but they never went anywhere.  Feel free to encourage me, or say nothing, and I'll forget.



If your thing is to download the file, Right-Click on this here LINK.

Rish Outcast 30: Unconventional

So, in the summer, I recorded a bunch of episodes of my solo podcast, knowing that later in the year, I'd be too busy to record any.  What I didn't realize was, when that time came, I'd be too busy to post the episodes.  Whoops.

So, here is the first half* of "Unconventional," a story I was inspired to write after taking my nephew to his first comic book convention.  Sadly, I asked him this week if he's excited to go to next year's convention with me, and he said, "Nahh."  Time is cruel.



If ye'd like to download yon episode, Right-click THIS.

Rish

*Sorry for slicing it in two, but I'll get more of these shows out there if I do this with the stories.  Maybe I'll do a Patreon one day, and it'll all make sense.